I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I think my moral compass just broke
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
