woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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