fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My feet surprised me
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize