He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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