i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
