ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
