playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
