I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
