I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
