That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
