I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
