I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
