Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
