That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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