i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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