No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
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Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
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Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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