Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
