margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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