Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Still dying that you shit outside
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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