So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
