all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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