how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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