I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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