Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
