perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
