Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
