Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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