how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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