Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
