Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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