shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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