fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
