My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
