I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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