Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
