I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
