I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
