I think my fart just growled at me.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
