I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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