my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
