I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
