Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I understand Curling. That high.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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