I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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