Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
