Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
