to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
