so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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