It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
