I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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