so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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