it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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