took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
