I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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