I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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