I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
