: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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