Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
