non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She's not a foreskin expert like you
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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