You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
