I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
