your parents love me but you hate me
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
