i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
