i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
