i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
