I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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