The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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