The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
