If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize