the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize